Jane and John Doe

They may call you and ask about kids and you will have to be prepared to tell them “No.” You also have to be prepared to tell them “No” if they write their children in on their RSVP anyway. You also have to be prepared if they bring their children anyway. You also may have people who won’t come if their children are not invited and you need to prepare yourself for that many people declining. If you do not want kids to attend your wedding, you need to prepare yourself to be the bad guy.

Personally, I feel it is rude to exclude certain family members when the rest are invited, and this especially includes children. I had 25 children come to my wedding. They ranged in age from 6 months to 17 years, 2 of them were under 1 year old. There was not a single issue with the children, actually they made the wedding even better. Nobody ran amuck or went crazy. Every child was well behaved. We gave the kids ages 4+ the disposable cameras and a scavenger hunt. They had to take the pitures on the scavenger hunt list to get a prize. My mother had the pictures developed in double prints and sent a copy to each child with their prize while I was on my honeymoon. Pictures included taking pictures of: the bride’s hair, a centerpiece, food, the groom with his mother, your parents dancing, etc. Children are never going to learn to behave in certain situations if you never expose them to it. This kept them busy and constructive for the majority of the time and a lot of the pictures came out really cool. Between the scavenger hunt and excellent parenting skills of my relatives, there were no issues. I tend to think not including children at such an important family event is a relfection on how you feel about kids (whether an act of exclusivism, like only inviting your own child or not liking kids at all) or how you feel about your guests’ parenting skills. Personally, I would be insulted, but I guess it’s your wedding and my opinion truly doesn’t matter.

Here is what I would suggest:
Go ahead and make out the invitation as you normally do. Then, at the bottom put another statement:

Julia and Tom request that our wedding and reception be for adults only.

For the record, at a non-destination wedding I have absolutely no issues with “adults only” because those invited can easily hire a non-relative sitter for a night.

If you are hellbent on going with this very rude invitation – be aware that most people will opt to decline because they aren’t going to travel overnight without their children , write “Mr & Mrs Jones” on the envelope, and pre-fill in the RSVP card to read
“Name: George & Kathy Jones
__ of _2__ accepts”
That way, even though the Jones’ have 2 kids, they’ll get the picture that only the parents (George & Kathy) are invited.

You should not print “Adults Only” or “No Children” on an invitation. The way your invitations are addressed indicates who is and who is not (by omission) invited to attend the wedding.

So yes, in your case, just put Mr and Mrs Jones on the invitation for example. They should already get the hint. For some guests who are still “unclear” however, you can always politely let them know when they RSVP with more numbers than you have budgeted for.

the best option would be to call the hotel in the caribbean and see if they have daycare/babysitting so you can give your guests the option to bring their kids down there, but not have to bring them to the ceremony/reception, then include a card with the invite that states that babysitting will be provided by the hotel, or have a teen in the family if there won’t be too many people
you could also call EACH person that has children and talk to them about it – this way you can find out how they feel and what would be easiest for them – if they need to leave the kids behind for school or if they really need to bring them down…

good luck

Be prepared to speak with guests who question your decision. Because there’s a trip involved, you may want to consider offering suggestions for childcare or speaking with someone about babysitting during the wedding. It’s possible a relative or friend may have teenage children who would rather skip the actual festivities and watch the other kids for a few hours in one of the hotel rooms. You have a three-year-old. What would you want a couple to do if they didn’t want your child at the wedding?

P.S. If you opt for the “due to the presence of alcohol…” suggestion by another member here, I implore you not to start a sentence with “due to.” I know everyone does it, and people seem to think it sounds smart, but it’s not grammatically correct. =)

Miss Manners will tell you, a delicate conversation like this must be done directly and discretely to each person you are inviting with kids. It is fine to call and tell them; however, what you put in writing has no gentle voice to be understood.

Also, make sure none of your wedding party has kids and no baby-sitter till the destination party gets back home. Some of your guest will be offended and choose to stay away, no matter how nicely you say it. Be prepared for that. Many destination weddings are incorporated into becoming a mini vacation for some…who will want their kids there. Good luck.

2 will be attending. ____

or

We regretfully cannot attend. ____